a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
