How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so let's talk penis.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
