Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
