doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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