So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
