Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
