i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
