His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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