I'm drive I can fine osifer
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
