also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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