I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
