so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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