So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
