Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
