she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
