you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
