my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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