If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
