lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
