"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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