I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
