He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
