I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
