marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
COCAINE IS GR8
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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