Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
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