Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
