Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
