I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
