I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I will pee on everything he values.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
