I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
