Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
