if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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