he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
