Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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