so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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