Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize