Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
