i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
