Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
