Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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