He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
not ubering you a puppy
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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