Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
