WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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