it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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