Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
