And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
