I have demons in me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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