Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
