she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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