Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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