It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
