Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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