Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
