Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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