he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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