Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
