She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
