chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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