My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
