I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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