just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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