We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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