just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize