May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
