he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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