Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
