I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
