Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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